


Justified freakout

by bluuemoon



Series: OC scenarios [1]
Category: Homestuck, Original Works
Genre: Emotional Trauma, Grimdark character, Horror Terrors, Murder, Pretty sure i wrote this during a depressive episode, Self Pity, Suicidal Thoughts, Vent Writing, accidental murder, pent up emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 00:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14842136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluuemoon/pseuds/bluuemoon
Summary: Just me venting through one of my OCs -Fate Bonnay- during a depressive epsode. Fate is a grimdark Seer of Life, a now Witch of Doom. Her new abilities kill everything she touches and she can rot things with a simple glance.Nothing special, just describing the emotions she has during one of her panic attacks.





	Justified freakout

It was the normal day for Fate. And by normal, I mean absolutely horrible.

  
Another man tried to talk to her today, she almost snapped and killed another man today. Nothing out of the ordinary, Fate should be used to this by now.

  
But she wasn't. She hated it. She hated it all. She hated the overbearing whispers of the horror terrors in her mind. She hated the everlasting feeling of guilt that felt like it was eating her inside out and leaving nothing left for the vultures. She hated hitting and abusing people every day with seemingly no end. She hated what she did to her one and only. She hated what she did to her team. She hated that she could never fix what she's done.  
She hates what she's become.

  
It was no use now, she can't undo what she's done. She couldn't undo murdering him. She can't handle it, it was the one thing she could remember perfectly and it was the one thing she prayed she'd forget someday. Only, she knew she could never forget. God would never forgive the sins on her arms. At this point, Fate lost faith. Lost faith in herself, in god, in the world around her, and any faith she may have had about becoming someone better.

  
She always wanted to be something better for him. They were so many things she did wrong and he hated. There were so many things she could have done better. She could have treated him better, gave him better things, be a better person all for him. She ruined him.

  
One hate filled glance and it was all over. He rotted from the inside out and Fate could only scream as she held who she thought she loved dearly in her arms as he slowly and painfully rotted away to nothing. She had to sit there and cry as her boyfriend screamed. He screamed about how much how it hurt. _Save me Fate, heal me Fate_.

  
Only this time, she couldn't. She couldn't stop this, he was done for. She couldn't heal him. His healer, betrayed him and rotted him. He was a ripe fruit and she was what bruised him. He rotted from the inside because of her. It was all her fault.

  
All these memories returned to the Witch. They were unwelcomed, but they never left. They danced around her broken mind and reminded her she didn't have the right to continue her existence while her one and only was dead. No matter how much she screamed, pulling at her silky gray hair to try to distract herself, she could never make them go away. All the voices in her head, asking her one question. Why?

  
It could be turned into so many things. Why did you kill me? Why did you go grimdark? Why did you listen to the dark gods? Why didn't you listen to him? Why can't you control yourself. Why can't you just shut up and be pretty? Why can't you put your fists down and know when you're not going to win? Why can't you learn that not everything is about you? Why can't you stop pitying yourself so much?

  
She screamed. She leaned against the once strong oak tree, screaming and shrieking as it died at her touch. It only reminded her how she could only destroy everything she touched. She can't enjoy the nice things, she's always why they die. She is always why people don't go near her. They're all afraid of her

.  
Damn right they should be. Fate wanted this. That's an overstatement, she deserved this. That's better, she deserved what she did to herself. She deserved all the hate in people's eyes she sees when she walks away. She deserves the uncomfortable expression people made at the mention of her name. She deserved all the nice people to hate her. She deserved what she's doing to herself, but at who's expense? How many people are going to die just because she's afraid to admit she's afraid?

  
No, that's not right. she knows she's afraid. What is she afraid of then? Seeing her deceased boyfriend once more? Seeing a man who looked just like him? Finding out something she never wanted to know? No, that's not what it is. She's afraid she'll have to face what wrongs she's committed. She's afraid that she can never be fixed.  
She's terrified that no matter how much she screams, no one will be able to hear her suffering. That's always how it seemed to go.

  
Fate just sat against the dead tree, knees tucked up against her chest as she screamed and sobbed into her crossed arms. She didn't deserve to cry. She felt like she was crying for those who cannot cry for themselves, but she knows that's a load of shit. She's weeping because she can't come to terms on what she's done. She can't handle it. Who would think she can? She's a nineteen year old stuck in a seventeen year old body. She wasn't expected to be perfect, but for what she's done she knows she'll be sent to hell.

  
Who would argue? She knows this is what she deserves. She deserved this suffering. She deserved this hell.


End file.
